It's been a great past month. Since the end of exams, stress levels have been relatively low, I've been keeping myself happy with reading and watching tv shows and sitcoms and practicing the cello and hanging out with the church kids for their holiday program and teaching. For a moment today, this blissful peace was rudely shattered by a series of phone calls.
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Scene 1
Place: not far from shore, suspended over the sea with a few planks of wood
"Hello, I'm calling from the Dean's Office. The Faculty has nominated you to be valedictorian."
(Oh, so they couldn't find anyone willing to speak Chinese - was my first thought. They called last week to check if I was confident of communicating in Chinese.)
"Ok..." *frowns*
She didn't know what to make of this non-commital response so she asked.
"Do you know what a valedictorian is?"
"Yes...."
"So do you accept the nomination?"
This sounded fishy, because it sounded like there were strings attached. so I asked what I had to do. There was a speech and an iffy sounding course. "You'll have to go for a course on how to speak English and walk up the stage etc. It will be conducted by some professor from the CELC."
"Can I say no?"
As if by divine intervention, there was bad static, poor reception (considering I was near the beach at Changi), and the call was cut off. However, my phew was not meant to last long. She called again.
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Scene 2
Place: Still suspended over the sea
"Hi, can I speak to you?"
What a strange introduction, I thought. You are speaking to me. What if I said no and hung up? I wouldn't have picked up the call in the first place.
"Yes".
"It is a great honour, your parents will be very proud."
Oh! She is playing the Parent Card.
"Erm no, it's too much hassle, besides I might not be around in June/July"
She didn't seem to hear that though.
"Don't worry about the speech we will guide you along. We have a model speech you can follow. And you can submit it online, and we'll vet it, that's all".
What?! I did a silent flip flop in my head. The only perk about being able to give a speech was if I could say something totally inappropriate and non-cliched.
"Erm no thanks."
"You sure?"
"Yup."
"Ok bye".
But that was not the end of Award Salesperson. 45 minutes later, she called again.
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Scene 3
Place: in a fairy chalet
"Hi, I'm calling you to reconsider your decision"
"Ok."
"This is a once in a lifetime opportunity"
But it's only one lifetime. My whole life is a once in a lifetime opportunity. And what is one lifetime in relation to eternity?
"We'll give your parents 2 VIP tickets also"
"My parents won't be around".
"Oh." This time she sounded really surprised. So she took a while to construct her next response.
"You sure you don't want it?"
"Yup".
"Ok never mind then, bye."
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For that one plus hour of my to-date very peaceful life, I was frustrated and unsure of myself. On the one hand it is an honour to be nominated, but with it comes so much baggage. Standing on stage as valedictorian is a celebration of intellect among many other things, but when one's intellect is on loan, it would be dishonest to bask in that moment of 'glory' because it is not mine to claim. It is vanity, and much vexation of spirit, and the whole preamble leading up to the ceremony would entail excessive attention to the self , one's language and mannerisms, which is throughly unhealthy. The person whom you are onstage is fettered by university conventions of propriety, and why should I invest so much in a dishonest portrayal of self, values and beliefs?
What would I say then? Go out, make more money, make the university proud by joining some MNC and working 36 hour days? Or shall I say, "Sell your life and soul for the betterment of society", when you and I know that society can only degenerate and 'make the world a better place' will not happen until the new Millenium? Or else something like "The university has given us the best learning conditions for the nurturing of the intellect?". That might be true to a certain extent - I had enough free time to play the cello and teach, and learn what I wanted to learn. But that would not be the 'model answer'.
So here's what I would say:
Hi y'all,
Congratulations on surviving the 20 plus years of plodding up the steep slopes of this iffy thing we call the education system. Now, educated or otherwise, we have been air-lifted to the top and it all goes downhill from here, so brace yourselves.
The End.
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