After 9 hours of trawling electronic databases for the proverbial-needle-in-a-haystack statistics, I have reached the scary self-knowledge that I do more harm to myself than anyone could possibly do to me. And having slack group members is actually a safety mechanism that prevents me from overworking myself.
In one of my groups this past semester, there was another slavedriver-sort, and it got scary there for a while, so I was consciously running away and not checking my smses and emails. That was ok because I had a choice. This time my choice has forced me into The Corner of my Undoing. I actually forgot to eat, until my dad called and reminded me. And this has never happened before. Probably because I might have been slacking through life.
I begin to see that I smother myself with nobody's expectations and demands but my own. And I don't know when to stop.
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