Last week into fieldwork - the concept seems so surreal especially after the people in the agency have stealthily made their way into my life. From the food they normally eat, or their physical ailments, aches and pains, their favourite movie stars, the soccer team they most support, the music they listen to - somehow I suddenly find myself with all this little bits of information that have to be reorganised into another part of my brain once I leave. It seems almost cruel, like you're relegating them into some cold cobwebby corner of your life, and moving on.
Well, that's probably not as cruel as what I've been doing to Stitch, which is basically messing with his mind, not to mention his life. After conducting a mini experiment of my own and discovering that at the end of 9 weeks I really know what buttons to push, is a scary discovery.I know how people say knowledge is power, but knowledge is scary because you have to choose how to use it, if not you might end up hurting people, which, inadvertently I did. It's scary because where I once saw him as a major irritant, now I see him as extremely vulnerable, susceptible to manipulation if someone really manages to read him, which isn't that difficult.
So in effect this post is a disguised confession for my sin of being an overly superior manipulative bitch with Stich. 9 weeks have made me realise a lot of things, namely that I am really in no position to claim in any way that I am any better than Stitch, regardless of whether he's deluded, insecure, egoistical or just misunderstood. And I have also finally seen my Scorpness manifest itself in full force, which scares me a lot.
It's these little epiphanies that happen along the way that makes me think that I'm actually getting a lot more out of placement then it seems. And on a even stranger note, I realised that my personal objectives for placement have all been fulfilled, but not exactly in the most expected way.
Seeing theories come alive in placement - Well, I think Stitch has taught me exactly how difficult it is to practice Unconditional Positive Regard, how difficult it is to see someone who appears weaker than you and not despise them not laugh at them not adopt the whole Pharisee-ical attitude of "Thank God I'm not like that!". Pride is an insidious thing indeed, and knowing that it's there doesn't make it go away.
And I never thought I'd be able to say this but it was a great experience, especially in terms of self-discovery. I don't know if I'll still be able to say the same thing at the end of this week, considering I now have to deal with resistance in all forms from both my clients, but I don't mind it really.
On a side note, T.H.E Quartet is performing at Esplanade Concourse this Wednesday and Thursday, (and next Monday). We're playing two sets, one at 730pm the other at 830pm. If you don't mind listening to quartet arrangements of opera excepts from Carmen, Marriage of Figaro, Faust, etc, or if you're dying to see me malu myself during some cello solo, do come down and be entertained.
