in denial

So. I've finally decided to do major in Social Work, on the first day of the semester. A rather bad time to decide, especially since I've done 5 modules of Sociology and only 3 modules of Social Work, but as I told someone today, I've been in denial for most of my life, I suppose it's time for me to finally do what I'm supposed to do, even if every part of my being is resisting the idea.

It's strange, how feeling can become knowledge. You feel something is right and you do it, as opposed to knowing something is right and doing it. Is feeling any weaker than knowing? Presumably so, but after last semester's module on emotions and social life, I realised that much of decision making is based on/guided by emotions, or the expectation of certain emotions that accompany one's decisions. Lacking the ability to feel would make one akin to a modern Phineas Gage, a man whose amygdala (the brain's emotional control center) was ejected by a railroad spike, and who forever lost the ability to feel and hence made irrational decisions.

I would think this social work major thing is quite an irrational decision, although that would be my self in denial speaking. It was not so much a sudden realisation but a sudden resignation to comfort. Having said that, I'm so much more at peace with everything now that I've finally accepted (no matter how unwillingly) my destiny.

Ok let's do away with the drama. I shall try to take this seriously.