hitting rock bottom

Maybe this might be considered musician suicide, but having been the prodigal Christian for way too long it's embarrassing, I need to start reclaiming my Sundays and be resolute about the 'no work' thing.

killing demons

Recently resurrected my Diablo2 expansion game, after discovering the Mac OSX native installer from Blizzard Tech Support site. A bit late, especially since I remember playing it on my previous ibook that was running on OS X as well.

Realised that at significant points of my life I play the game, to release stress, or unexpressed aggression. Played it A LOT during A levels, during university exams, after those 8 hour studying days. Now there are no more exams, no more stress to release (except maybe for that concert tomorrow), but a lot more unchanneled interpersonal aggression, and frustration perhaps.

There is much pleasure in killing all those demons, as if they were an externalisation of all that ugly negative affect that wells up so unexpectedly it catches me by surprise. 'As if' is the operative word here. At best, gaming is an escape, and for it not to be, the negative emotions have to be exorcised before the game, so that the game is not imbued with undue significance.