in 3000 words or less

Since there's been no recent activity on quartet blog because no pictures have been uploaded *cough cough*, I have decided to keep myself entertained nonetheless.


Block-ed, literally

This is the sorry view of sunset from my house. Normally when the sun sets a bit to the left of the rather eye-sore-ish block, you get a better view. I feel like taking back all the semi-good things I was forced to write about on HDB's contributions to nation-building in my Thursday's paper.


Waxing crescent trying to pass off as waxing gibbous

Taken close to time of moonset. Overexposure makes the crescent appear larger than it actually is, but it was bright and beautiful so I was smitten into taking the picture. In memory of my astronomy module that has officially ended after today's exam.

Arts people normally wear the 'Mathophobe' badge loud and proud, at least in uraNus, but this astronomy module has made me a temporary math convert. Math exams have a way of increasing one's sense of (i hate to use the word but...) self efficacy.


Cool Prison-Break-like Boots

One of the few things that first caught my eye when watching Prison Break was the nice view of Scofield's boots when some of his appendages got harvested. And I realised that my brother's army boots look quite the same. Come to think of it, he can pass off as a prisoner in this photo, grey walls, shaved head and all.

nuclear projection

I haven't experienced such a brain drain in so long I actually attempted to eat liquid paper.

Actually I was just biting my finger and didn't notice it had white stuff on it.

Two papers into exams and I'm seriously suspecting my brain has shrunk after 3 years of being in social work, because the papers were difficult, the common denominator being Prints who has incurred the wrath of some of my Malay classmates who can't understand what it is that she's asking for. Personally I suspect this might be her passive aggressive way of getting back at all the people who don't turn up for her lectures, considering the questions for today's research paper were touched on in the last lecture which less than half the class turned up for.

Last lecture or not, it is insane to give 6 essay-type questions and 1 proper essay question for a 2-hour exam. And on top of that, attempting to comprehend the dense 3-page research report is quite a feat even for the non-dyslexic.

The two-inch pile of 'Nation Building' notes are waiting to be devoured, but behind my skull there is a hammer tapping away like Fernando attempting to drill through a wall with an egg beater a la Prison Break. Talk about a proper mindscrew.

postlude

Oh I think my last post might have been gone down the wrong way, but don't get me wrong I have a good relationship with both my parents individually, but sometimes I'd just rather they left me out of their couple-ly business. Now that my brother is gone I have consciously made an effort to strengthen the spousal subsystem in a passive way - i.e. by making myself scarce so they get to deal with their problems on their own.

This week it has been working great, so far. But it's only the first day of the week.

triangles or cubes

I love the exam period; it leaves me with tons of alone time that I haven't had i a long while, who cares if I have to study. Introverts need space to recharge.

Anyway one of the reasons for self-imposed exile to the Land of Coffee, apart from the construction works going on around (no) thanks to lift upgrading and whatever crunchy carrot we got from letting PAP have a walkover, is to avoid getting triangulated into my parents' business.

You see, (washing dirty laundry time), my parents have a habit of sucking individuals in to their couple-dom to distract themselves from the lack of communication/ dysfunctional interaction patterns in their marriage. For a long time now, it was my poor little brother who was the focus of their 'distraction'. Now that he is gone off to Army Land, I have the uncanny suspicion that pretty soon, they will try to use me to mediate or whatever crap.

Just last week I was caught in the middle of something that was way better than any of the role plays we did for Person Centred Couples' Counselling. I, the pleasantly surprised in-between, realised that PCC or whatever counseling method is of rubbish use to people who are biting off each others' heads.

The stubborn silence that comes next is when I do all my behind-the-scenes placating, reflection of feeling, 'let's try to think of it from the other person's point of view' thing, which is absolutely tiring, plus, it's not within my position to do it either. I don't know why I still do. Maybe because the whole 'saviour mentality' of my classmates are rubbing off. Or maybe it's because I just want to test all the family therapy models that I've learnt because I've got real-life unsuspecting guinea pigs. Either way it doesn't change the fact that it's tiring, and I have to consciously try to make myself feel better about doing it.

They follow the cycle of violence actually. The explosion, then the honeymoon period, then the tension building - repeat ad infinitum ad nauseum. Now they are quite in the honeymoon phase, considering their last explosion was not too long ago. With my dad having exams coming up the tension is going to build as his stress levels increase, so I am judiciously staying out of the way.

That brings us to the question - what's the draw of the triangle/threesome?

I don't know. There's the divine Trinity, God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and they're pretty tight and in sync. Then on the mortal plane I hang out with Hawke and King of Northern Lions (KNL), and our threesome is such that of a rubric cube that solves itself by the end of the hangout session. I think. Or rather, even if the rubric cube doesn't solve itself it is happy just being a rubric cube.

What I'm trying to say is that I think triangles work well when there's an equally good relationship between all, and the positive and negative aspects of each relationship are balanced. Inflows and outflows of each relationship in the triangle must be of similar level, to a certain degree.

But who cares about analysis. I'm just scrupulously trying to avoid any possible potential situation that I can get triangled into. Sometimes I force myself into the triangle, like to rescue my brother (He will never admit he needs saving because he has developed his own Coping Mechanism) but in times of high energy outflows, like during exams, give me a square anytime.

my addictions

1. Facebook. It's so scarily addictive, with the wall posts and the status updates, because it's so current. The present-orientation of it gives the illusion of no-distance between people whom you haven't seen haven't talked to in ages, and you don't even have to talk to people if you don't want to, you can be all voyeuristic and just lurk and read friend updates and people update A LOT and it lacks the constrains of labels like 'testimonials' in friendster and there's groups to join and the layout is less spartan than friendster and I am so embarrassingly gushing.

2. Club Penguin. Since I failed the tour guide test, being only 67 days old, I have been obsessively been trying to get acquainted with the place, I mean how difficult can it be right? And most of the other people on it are kids. But I failed the test again. If clubpenguin had a bellcurve i would be right at the bottom. It really doesn't bode well for exams, so I am not going to log on for a while. Or maybe I'll just concentrate on unloading coffee beans and earning minimum coin wage.

So after getting sorta acquainted with the workings of Club Penguin, I excitedly went to talk to my little 5 year old friend again to tell him how he should stop making pizza because it's so much easier to earn money counting coffee beans, and he went

"I dunno...is it hard?"

"No it isn't I cannot make pizzas very well, it's so difficult!"

"No it's not!"

*embarrassed*

And it appears he's figured out a way to solve my problem of having to run away everytime someone talks to my penguin.

"You know when a penguin talks to you, you just click on his face then his face will become black"

"Huh?"

"You report him!" *evil laugh, as evil as a 5 year old can be..*

There's this thing where you can sign up to be a secret agent penguin, which in effect means you become a spy rat, and rat on other penguins who break the rules of ClubPenguin and they will be suspended for 24 hours or something. Supposedly this will make all penguins behave. (Which is quite true - the only overt sins I've seen any penguin commit is throwing snowballs in the coffee shop, and telling lame penguin jokes. ) This, intentionally or not, echoes what Michel Foucault calls the 'disciplining of the docile bodies'. Penguins are docile bodies alright. But that's not the point. Jeremy Bentham illustrated his panopticon concept in relation to prisons. Making something like that happen on Club Penguin is so intrusive and horrible because it spoils the innocence of the place. Then again, maybe the moderators are just trying to preserve the innocence of the place. Whatever. I'm just feeling a sense of loss.

My adventures in Club Penguin

It's not that I don't like Club Penguin, I figured it doesn't really like me.

Today I tried to connect about 4 to 5 times, I went to the North Pole's Freezer, Iceberg, and WhiteOut. Played a strange game called 'Ballistic Balls' that sounded vaguely sexual until I actually started playing it. My penguin mounted a wakeboard and then had to jump over all the icebergs and bottles and Balls floating in the sea. My penguin kept getting knocked off the board because it has poor motor skills. Or maybe because it was too fat to jump over all the stuff that was coming at it so fast it freaked out. Most unfortunate. I died after Level 2. No wonder the game is called Ballistic Balls. It makes you feel ballistic, and want to scream "Balls". Although I suspect such an exclamation would cause another penguin to report you (They have Authorities in Club Penguin), and then my penguin would get unceremoniously booted out.

My penguin was unofficially kicked out by the server because every place I went to kept filling up and then I just got logged out automatically. It really sucks. I don't know why I bother, but maybe it's some masochistic form of entertainment.

My penguin vents it's frustration by picking up snowballs and throwing them at a target board. All of them hit the bull's eye, by nature of the program which I think aims to create a sense of self-efficacy in children. Everything is perfect in Club Penguin world until I see one penguin with the name 'Daisy's Mum'. How freaky that parents come on Club Penguin to snoop out their kids. No one has privacy anymore.

UPDATE: I tried one last time, and this time my penguin actually earned money! It did manual labour by unloading coffee beans off a truck. It was hard work and earned me only 147 coins. Bah. I kept getting squashed by fish, flowerpots and anvils flying out of the truck. Tomorrow when I go to Coffee Bean to study I will appreciate the coffee beans more.

And then I went to make pizza, and that felt like slave labour. I mean you have to make sure that you spread pizza sauce over the whole pizza and they won't let you off if you leave a bit of white space on the pizza. Who knows they might just end up breeding obsessive compulsive penguins. Pizza making makes me very kan cheong because the conveyor belt moves so freakin fast and there are so many ingredients to be put on the pizza I freak out. And you get only 5 coins per pizza. I think unloading coffee beans is easier.

Total earnings for today is 207 coins.I now have 307 coins. To buy a violin I need 450 coins. To buy a guitar I needd 700 coins. What crap is that. Penguin economy is screwed.

I think I make a very wimpy penguin.

random newsbites

Today was one of the first days in a long while I turned on the radio, just for kicks, and I hear in the news the overly discussed subject of the civil service pay increase. The phrase 'fairly paid' was repeated like some mind-numbing, not so subliminal message. What does 'fair' anyway? It's such an un-thought about word. I don't think the factory workers or the starving artists who think of 'fair' as equitable distribution of wealth would agree with the phrase. But then again, since The Powers say it, that it must be fair. We as The Powers' People (not the people with power), have the heroic ability to internalise The Powers' words and values.

Whatever.

Currently I'm wondering about the recent spate of train-meet-human accidents. My mother says her colleague saw the recent accident of the man who got head injuries because the train banged his head. Duh. In her words, 'my colleague saw the blood fly'. It's almost like trains have morphed into stealth killers whose Modus Operandi involves huge magnets that vacuums people off the platform to splat them on the tracks, blood and innards and all.

Heard another fascinating piece about the father of two twins in England who became a father at the age of 12. His girlfriend at that time was 16. Now he's 20, and his twins are 8. I know of friends with siblings that age, not children. But I think that's cool. Too bad about the lost childhood though, but childhood is overrated. It really sucks being a kid these days. My small cello students keep getting the sniffles because of work overload, or so they claim. The 8 year old Chatterbox complains that he has no time to play Club Penguin because of his Kumon Math, piano, wakeboarding, gymnastics etc. (I left 'cello' out because he doesn't practice.)

A side note on my dismal Club Penguin membership thing: It is a major blow to my self esteem, when 5 year old kids know more about it than I do, and whose penguin has money, clothes, hats and badges, and knows the best way of making money.

"Fishing is very fun but the money is very little. Making pizza is very boring but you earn a lot of money". (this is a very articulate kid)

"Really ah!" (this is a not so articulate me)

"My penguin's name is Flippy Floppy. Meet me on American Freezer!"

My penguin's name is cellistic and it is purple. It has no clothes and no money and no job and not hats and no badges. It doesn't have a job because it doesn't know that it needs one.

That might be because I runs away from all the penguins that try to talk to me. I've attempted to log on to 'Snow Angel' but it was too scary and I got lost, and didn't know what to do so I logged out. What an antisocial penguin I am.

my life the boring movie

So much for the slowing down of tv/dvd watching, I just did like a 7 hour Prison Break marathon yesterday and finished Season One, finally. It sucks to be hooked just like everybody else, but as mentioned, I am a sucker for conspiracy theories. Then again, some parts are just stupid like how they killed off Sarah the nice doctor - I get the angsty past but really, she should just hopped away with Scofield or something. Or even drowned herself in the very nice beach she was walking along. Death by overdose is just too unglam. (Then again, drowning is too, but at least the process would be prettier film even if you do get a bloated blue body in the end.)

And it's back to collecting stacks of printed readings, sitting twirling a pen at Coffee Bean eavesdropping on conversations around instead of studying, trying to squeeze in 2 hours of cello somewhere between waking and sleeping, watching the rest of the Greys Anatomy House Scrubs WorkOut and waiting for Heroes. Hurray to TV-junkie-dom.

random blast

Quartet blog has been uploaded, finally. Again, it proves my unofficially established point that I get freer near exams, ironically.

Or maybe it's just because I've slowed down my Prison Break watching spree.

the happy lecture

Had astounding response from the gender class. Perhaps it was due to the fact that not everyone had gay friends. But anyway, it was the one lecture that most people turned up for and most people applauded loudly. At least they seemed a lot more alive than during normal lectures.

So the lecture group was broken up into small groups of about ten people each, and each group was assigned one gay man, and we got to ask whatever questions we wanted to ask. The bolder of the lot asked questions on their sex life, and got sufficiently gratifying answers, although I had a suspicion some of the guys were really out to get the graphic details for newsworthiness or something. Our group had a really sweet teacher who was featured in SQ21 and he talked a lot on the The Power's covert anti-gay measures, which didn't really come as a surprise considering Your Humble Narrator is a fangrrl of conspiracy theories. Prints The Lecturer decided to sit in (to spy) on our group, which I think considerably reduced the number of questions we ventured to ask.

Interestingly, there were no lesbians, and the guest lecturer attributed it to the fact that they are a reclusive community. Hmm. What intrigued me is how the guys were so out and proud, you admire them for their resilience, yet you don't know how much of it is a front they have to put up for the world, by nature of the 'gay' label.

the mirage

Empowerment is so talked about and so hyped up in social work I'm starting to think it's overrated, at least if you are talking about gender empowerment. For one, AWARE's scope of advocacy is non-existent; all they aim to do is educated, and even then, educate cautiously for fear of transgressing the numerous out-of-bound markers that no one knows about until they do something that offends The Powers that be. They can't talk about issues of race, religion, sexuality, and especially patriarchy - as prevalent as it might be, it's the government and you are not supposed to talk about, mention, or breathe the sacred alphabets. That thought is extremely disempowering.

And besides, all the talk of educating clients on gender roles and how they can not follow what society expects of them is totally bullcrap and I don't see how it can be empowering, especially when all the government policies are aimed at promoting a certain kind of society, where the male is the breadwinner, (c.f. extendable benefits for civil servants are only for males) and the female is sadly enough, both the baby-bearer and the miscellaneous odd-job labourer. Stereotypes are propagated by policies, and when The Powers decide that they need to meet some economic objective, they change policies/modify stereotypes to further that purpose.

So in other words, the extent of gender empowerment is limited by the Powers.

Even males are disadvantaged because the burden to provide inescapably falls on them.

Ok so there are things like PAVe but that's like gender empowerment for a specific group of people i.e. those experiencing family violence. If you're not in that situation what empowerment is there? Most of it involves just the 'gaining knowledge' part but not so much the 'taking action' part.

I emailed the lecturer, but she very depresssingly said that there aren't any answers to these kind of questions. Quick somebody, anybody, please tell me that there are more possibilities to this empowerment thing that I haven't noticed.

Anyway my gender lecturer just asked us to watch this youtube video here. I think the comments on the video are more entertaining the video itself - I'm wondering if it's a microcosm of society's views on gayness, but, just check it out, if you have the staying power to watch it till the end and not get grossed out after the first 5 minutes.

There aren't any R-rated parts (at least nothing that I perceive as particularly offensive, but then again my standards are...my standards.)

Check it out then tell me what you think!